trauma

i always declare...be pro active not aggresive..

but when time is come for me to start attract with a guy, all the optimist words just wipe out..is it some kind of trauma?

i keep thinking i dont have a quality that guy looking for, even i havent try yet, everytime i try to close to someone, all i can remember just rejection.

i know, i should put my trust to my Lord, that He will give the right person for me. but at the time i feel attract with someone,i want to negotiate with Him, "can this person be the one for me, God?"

maybe, its because i still feel hurt with someone before, so i dont have the courage to close with a guy, even try to be pro active, who am I that he will feel the same with me?

i dont know for how long, or should i let him go?
dont know the answer, and what i can do know is just having so many friends and hiding my true feeling,it hurts more, but i'll choose it, rather i'm losing another friend again...

for someone out there, i do like you, since the first time i saw you, so i dont want to lose you, if God wants us just to be friend, thats what i'm going to do....
God, i surrender all to You....